#70 If I Were a Girl

My nephew, Jordan spent a couple of hours at our house. He is seven. His toy of choice? The princess mirror that, when pressed, says "You're as pretty as a princess!" After pressing the button once more, and after laughing again, at the mirror's words he said:

"If I were a girl, I would think this is sooooo dumb."

I am to conclude, then, that because he is not a girl, and because he spent more than an hour pressing the button and laughing, that he finds the mirror "not dumb." Good thing he's a boy, or we'd have nothing for him to play with at our house. :)

#69 Noel

We've started Christmas early in our home. We are already listening to "Here Comes Santa Clause" and "Jingle Bells." Sometimes we even go around singing the songs ourselves. This is Brecken's version of "The First Noel:"

"Oh well. Oh well. Oh well. Oh well. Where is the King of Israel? Oh well. Oh well. Oh well. Oh well..."

I'm not sure how she interprets the lyrics she is singing. Not that singing "Noel" would clear things up for her.

#68 ¡Vámonos!

My nephew is pretty cute; I think I've mentioned him before. His dad speaks spanish and one day he was showing off, just a bit (Jackson, not his dad). I would ask him what a spanish word means, he would tell me. Now, he's not fluent; he's like me. His vocabulary is slightly bigger than what they teach you on Dora the Explorer. Here is an excerpt from our conversation:

Me: Ok, Jackson. What does... "azul" mean?

Jackson: (confidently) blue.

Me: Ok, let's see, how about "gracias"?

Jackson: Thank you.

Me: Ok, what does (trying to stump him).... "vámonos" mean?

Jackson: It means "¡Get in the car!"

Yep. I don't think that one was lost in translation. I'm pretty sure that is exactly what his dad meant. :) I couldn't stop laughing.

#67 Ch

This is an ongoing, recurring "cute thing". It's actually ceased to be cute for the present. Hopefully in years to come when I read this it will be cute again. It is a Harrington rule (as I'm sure it is with most families) to buckle up upon getting in the car. As with all rules the "buckle up" rule is met with opposition. But Brecken's methods have switched from protesting to this.

Me: (settling into the driver's seat) Ok. Buckle up.
Brecken: Ch. (yes she really says "ch")
Me: (sweetly) Come on, Breck. Buckle up.
Brecken: I did. Didn't you hear it?

Me: (a little less sweetly) Honey, you need to buckle up.

Brecken: (in mock defeat) Fine..... Ch.

Me: (not very sweetly at all) Brecken, I know that sound isn't buckling up. Please, buckle up now.

Brecken: (now in amazement) How do you know?!

The same dialogue has occurred dozens of times, with few variations. She continues to think her buckle mimicking is superb enough to fool me. I continue to see right through it. She continues to be amazed at my power of discernment. I continue to enforce the "buckle up" rule. I would love to see into her mind "Maybe this time. This time."

#66 Lying Never Gets You Anywhere

As it often happens, I was in the bathroom getting ready, leaving the girls unattended. Dangerous? Yes. But also inevitable. I wasn't too concerned, Hallie was sleeping, Brecken was occupied in her bedroom, and I could hear Taylor happily humming and singing in the kitchen.

As I was wrapping things up Taylor meandered into the bathroom...

Me: Hey, Taylor! How are you doing?
Taylor: Goooooooood.
Me: What were you playing?
Taylor: (long pause) Ummmm.... With the dollhouse.
Me: (totally fooled) Do you like playing with the doll house?
Taylor: Uh huh. (another long pause)... I don't like playing with marshmallows though.

Ah, kid. You should have stopped while you were ahead. I'm pretty sure I burst out laughing right then and there. And, yes, after a slight investigation I found the empty bag of marshmallows. How can you get mad at cuteness such as this?

#65 Trip to the Doctor

Taylor recently went through a traumatic experience. Her finger was shut and stuck in the door for about two minutes. Her finger looking mangled, I assumed it was broken, and so took her to the doctor's office. Through all of it Taylor screamed. Hysterically. Through the waiting room: screaming. Through the x-rays: more screaming. Through the doctor pushing and squeezing: hysterical screaming. Through the nurse bandaging up her finger: (you get the idea). She would pause for ten seconds at a time only to say "eet willy hotes" (it really hurts) and then resume her screaming. For more than an hour everyone in the doctor's office knew there was a child in pain (or at least fear). Needless to say, I was heart broken for her. As we began walking to the car her sobbing and screaming began to subside. As I opened the car door she gasped her last sob. As I buckled her in her car seat she grew still, looked at me and said in a sing song voice:

"Dat wuth fun."

And she has since asked to go to the doctor's office. Only Taylor. I love that girl.

(for those wondering, her finger was miraculously unbroken)

#64 Blind Leading the Blind

Every child has that word that they just can't say right. Our two year old has several. In fact, I would dare say it would be easier to count the words she can say correctly. But one which she cannot is lemonade. She calls it Memonade. Apparently this was bothering our six year old, because she felt it her duty to correct her.

Taylor: Can I have some Memonade?

Brecken: No, Taylor, that's not how you say it.

Taylor: (in a defiant tone) MmmmHmmm.

Brecken: No. Say Le

Taylor: Ye

Brecken: (ignoring this speech impediment) Say mmmm

Taylor: Mmmmm

Brecken: (really breaking it down sound for sound) say uh

Taylor: uh

Brecken: Lade.

Taylor: yade.

Brecken: (this time not ignoring the impediment) No. Llllllade. Le-mo-lade.

Apparently this is one of those words for both of our girls.

#63 Favorite Jewel

I recently bought some play jewels at the store for the girls. It turned out to be a big hit. There were two kinds, ruby like hearts, and clear diamonds. Brecken had repeatedly expressed her partiality to the heart gems telling me that they were her "most favorite in the world." She then asked (unaware that I was partial to the diamonds myself) which my favorites were. If you remember post #12 (which you probably don't) you will recall that she thrives on having her favorites coincide with my favorites. Or, more accurately, my favorites yield to her favorites. So the conversation went as follows:

Brecken: (dramatically) I just love these beautiful jewels! I just looooove the hearts.

Me: They are really pretty.

Brecken: Which one is your favorite? (excitedly) The hearts (in a somewhat flat, uninterested tone) or the diamonds?

Me: Actually, I like-

Brecken: (seeing the direction I was headed she cut me off short) And the hearts mean that you love everyone, and you love people, and you love to love. The diamonds mean that all you care about is yourself, and diamonds, and that you don't love other people. You just love yourself. Which one do you like?

Me: (with such condemnation pronounced if I admit my true partiality, I really have no choice but to concede... smiling of course) Well, I love people. So I like the hearts.

Brecken: (all enthusiasm) Just like me! I love you mama!!

Awe, the little sweetheart. The persuasive, borderline manipulative, cute little five year old.

#62 Cowboys

Now, it's true that most posts are a result of kids saying the darndest things. But, occasionally, it happens that adults say things that... cause a little chuckle as well.

So, you have to know my mother-in-law's husband to truly appreciate this. He is a cowboy. From Wyoming. Lovell, Wyoming. If you are picturing cowboy boots, cowboy hat, tight jeans, and a mustache, then you've pretty much got him pegged.

Russ and I were at their house when a Bull Riding contest happened to be on TV. Of course it was fascinating to watch lunatics mount angry bulls, make them angrier, and hang on for all they were worth, all the while knowing the end result is the same: they will be bucked off of the bull.

But that's beside the point. What got me chuckling was the conversation that took place between Debbie (my mother-in-law) and Rusty (her husband) who had all the while been sharing his rodeo-know-how expertise with us. Now, as you read this, you may be tempted to think Rusty is joking. But that's why I say, you have to know Rusty. He's not joking.

Debbie: So Rusty, if the rider is left handed, does he hang on the rope with his left hand and put his right hand in the air, or does he hang on the rope with his right hand?

Rusty. (not quite getting the real core of the question) No. One hand has to always be in the air.

Debbie: I know that. I'm just asking if he's left handed, does he hold onto the rope with his right hand, or his left hand?

Rusty: (still not quite getting it) So long as one hand is in the air.

Debbie: But if he is left handed, which hand does he use to hold the rope?

Rusty: (now just distracted by the wording of the question) It isn't called a rope. It's called a.... (and then whatever technical term he used instead of rope... strap? Bull rope? cut me some slack for forgotten cowboy lingo)

Debbie: (determined he will not thwart her in her objective to find an answer) Ok, so what hand does he use to hold onto it?

Rusty: It doesn't matter. So long as one hand is in the air, he can use whatever he wants. It depends on if he's right handed or left handed. (yes. that was really his answer. it was as though he was taunting her)

Debbie: (decides to go a new route... the current game plan isn't working) Ok, Rusty. I know that you're right handed. If you were riding the bull, would you use your left hand or your right hand to hold on?

Rusty: (in all seriousness) I don't ride bulls! (we had already been over this... it was "bucking bronco's" back in the day for him... not bull-riding)

Did it end there? Oh no, despite surmounting odds she was determined to have her question answered. And it was. A few more back and forths and it finally clicked. And for those of you in suspense of what hand is used: I was laughing too hard remember which. But one hand stays in the air.

#61 Mispronunciations

Taylor is now officially making it to cute things. Oh, she has always been cute, but now that she is talking (I'm using that term loosely)... She'll probably be taking over cute things soon. Now, this is probably only cute to me, because I can still hear her two-year-old, speech-impedimented little voice.

Taylor and I were in the toy room. As I was leaving, Taylor asked me if I could leave the light on... only it sounded like this:

Taylor: Wee wa wight on. K?

Me: (just encouraging correct pronunciation) Wee wa wight on?

Taylor: (thinking "slower" will solve the communication barrier) No. Wee. Wa. Wight. On.

Me: Wee wa wight on? (at this point, I was just having a little fun)

Taylor:(decides to go with the old repeat after me) No. Thay (say) Weeeeee.

Me: (mimicking her exact tone) Weeeeee.

Taylor: (long, thoughtful, seven second pause) Turn da wight on. K?

Oh, the cute, poor little girl. She realized something that day. She could not say leave the light on. Mom's probably too big a tease. I couldn't resist. But she's resilient. And just so she didn't feel like a total failure I added "Oh! did you say leave the light on?!" which was answered with peels of laughter. And, yes, I weft wa wight on.

#60 How Much Do You Love Me?

This actually took place about two years ago, and whenever I think of it, I get a little chuckle, and since I don't want to forget it... I'll jot it down here.

After I had reprimanded Brecken for something (two years is too long to remember any particulars), I wanted to be sure that she knew I still loved her. The following conversation took place in her bedroom:

Me: Brecken, you know that I love you, right?

Brecken: Yeah.

Me: Do you know how much I love you?

Brecken: Huh uh.

Me: I love you more than anything.

Brecken: (seeming unimpressed stayed silent)

Me: (realizing she's not grasping the concept of anything) I love you more than chocolate.

Brecken: (now enthused and amazed) You do?! I love you too!!! (big hug. now eager to return the compliment) I love you more than.... (looks around her room at all of her earthly possessions) more than... (still looking... aha, I can see she has settled on something) I love you more than strangers!

Wow. It was almost as though I could see her making mental notes: Let's see, more than my doll house? No. More than my stroller? No. Umm... More than my stuffed animals? No. More than my books?.... Maybe... No. Hey! I know what I love her more than! People I don't know and have never met, and therefore have no feelings for! That's a good one!

Haha, it was actually too funny to get my feelings hurt over. And she has since told me that she loves me more than movies. And that's big. So I'm good.

#59 The Smartest Girl

Knowing Brecken's vanity issues, I sometimes still make the mistake of saying "Brecken, you are just the smartest girl." Ok, it's probably a good thing to compliment your children. But sometimes it produces conversations like the following (this is between Brecken and her 5 year old cousin, Jackson):

Brecken: Jackson, guess what. I am the smartest girl in the whole world.

Jackson: Huh uh.

Brecken: Yuh huh.

Jackson: Huh uh (you have to love 5 year old comebacks).

Brecken: Yuh huh, my mom said so.

Jackson: Huh uh. Do you even know what 1 million plus 100 million is?

Brecken: (drops her jaw) No way! Do you know what it is?

Jackson: It's 2 thousand 16 hundred 3 million thousand.

Hey, I guess he figured if she didn't know... He could say whatever he wanted. Might as well make it sound good.

#58 Her Word

Brecken: Mom, can I please watch a movie?

Me: No, we already watched one today.

Brecken: Mom please, I'll be a good girl.

Me: I'm glad you'll be good, but the answer is still no.

Brecken: (solemnly) You have my word.

Me: (never hearing that from her before I can't help but chuckle out loud) I have your word that what?

Brecken: (a little frustrated) Mom. You know. You have my word.

Me: What do you think that means?

Brecken: It means, you heard my words saying that I want to watch a movie, and now you have them, so you want to do them. So now you'll let me watch a movie.

Me: (continued audible chuckling... I couldn't help it)

Boy, was that a misinterpretation! I wish we could force our will on others with only four easy words.

#57 Strange Words

While playing with a stuffed animal Brecken said to me "Mom, this is weird. One of the eyes is smooth, and the other eye is lither." She said it so matter of factly that I almost believed she knew a word I wasn't yet privy to. So I had to ask, "Smooth and what?"

"Smooth and lither." She obviously saw my confusion because she continued "You know, bumpy and... unsmooth."

Whelp. She had me there. Normally, I have a pretty good idea what the original vocabulary word is that she's revamping. When she comes running, screaming "Taylor is playing with the poop plusher!" I can connect the dots... ah! she means plunger. The gross thing we don't play with because it gets poop on it.

But lither... I'm stumped. But I think it's cute she thinks it's a word (well she did until I told her it wasn't).

#56 Bigger Than the World

While having a discussion about outer space, the stars, etc. (don't ask why)...

Brecken: (in absolute amazement) Is it bigger than the world??

Me: MmmmHmmmm.

Brecken: (in disbelief) Is it bigger than... SAINT GEORGE???!!!

Ok... maybe I was getting ahead of myself trying to teach about outer space. I think I need to get back to the basics. We'll start with our house, our street, St. George, and the world. :)

#55 States and Teachers

While putting together a puzzle of the Unites States, I would say the name of the state, Brecken would find the puzzle piece, and we would put it in together.

Me: Ok, Brecken... let's find... Mississippi.

Brecken: What?! The teacher?

Me: The teacher?

Brecken: (very matter-of-factly) Yeah, Mrs. Sippi is a teacher.

Me: You know a teacher named Mrs. Sippi?

Brecken: No, but her name is Mrs... She has to be a teacher.

5 year old logic. I don't think that thought ever crossed my head. But, yep, it makes sense to me :)

#54 The Correct Pronunciation of Teeth

This one I am borrowing from my nephew who was spending the afternoon at our house. You know those kids who could probably sell their voices because they are so adorable with all of their cute little speech impediments? He's one of them.

Jackson: Aunt Wen (trying to call me Aunt Ren here) wanna thee my tooth that I lof-th-t?

Me: (examining the new hole in his smile) Wow, Jackson! That's pretty cool. You know, Brecken hasn't ever lost any teeth.

Jackson: (in a condescending tone that would suggest "you poor, unintelligent adult") You mean... toof-ths?

Oh, what was I thinking? Did I say teeth? How could I make such a blunder?! I forgot I was conversing with a four year old.

#53 Spiders with Huge Legs

Brecken: (dramatically) ... And then, this spider with huge legs started crawling on her shoulder and we all started screaming!

Me: (a bit overboard on the dramatization myself) Oh no! was it... a daddy long leg?!

Brecken: (raises one eyebrow, obviously disgusted with my choice of wording) No mom. It was a daddy huge legs.